Men: Will You Live Passively or Responsibly? Courageously or Cowardly?

Who men choose to become and how we shape the next generation of rising leaders shapes the type of world we contribute to building.

America, and the church inside it, is facing an identity crisis as we wrestle over who we want to become as Christians and as a country and what story we want to tell through the way of life we embody.

We have two competing visions shaping men and leaders across our society. One of these visions perpetuates tragedy, while the other minimizes it.

We'll start by exploring the latter.

An Honorable & Admirable Man

Growing up, my father and I participated in a men's group with fathers and their sons, which revolved around a book called Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood by Robert Lewis (affiliate link).

This book contains four values that an honorable man embodies and one who is anchored in Christ-like virtue. The book title draws on the theme of chivalry that medieval knights embodied.

What values does an honorable man embody?

• First, they reject passivity.
• Then, they accept responsibility.
• From that foundation, they lead courageously.
• And in that state, they expect God's greater reward.

An Irresponsible and Dishonorable Man

The contrast between the two visions is a helpful way to understand them.

While I describe this anti-vision below, know that I have embodied this way more than I'd like to admit. There are probably still parts of my life now where this anti-vision is more accurate of me than the vision. And, God can certainly use irresponsible and dishonorable men for his purposes.

Clarity on these values acts as a powerful mirror that God can use for our transformation into Christ-likeness.

As I've contemplated the societal context of America, I've reflected on the values listed above and their counterparts.  It’s easier to go along with the hate and become hateful ourselves than it is to stand up to the hate and love instead.

If we flip the vision listed from the book, upside down, here's what we get.

• Embrace passivity
• Reject responsibility
• Follow cowardly
• Chase man’s lesser reward

This is the easy way forward. It's the way of least resistance. It's simply a way of being a man that means jumping on an inner tube and riding down the river.

Contrasting Visions

If you've not heard of the Wounded Knee Massacre, it's a horrible tragedy (300 Lakota people killed) that unfolded in America in 1890. Professor Heather Cox Richardson spoke about it on The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart.

In retrospect, the following was the one redeeming takeaway from the horror which embodies the vision I've laid out above contrasted with the anti-vision.

"What I came to believe was that a hero is somebody who keeps trying to do the right thing even when they know the walls are closing in."

When the walls are closing in on you, what will you do? Sometimes doing the right thing will mean punishment from other people. But that's why expecting God's greater reward is key here. We do the right thing, knowing that it is good and that God will reward us for doing so when it costs us. 

"[Self-Authoring] focuses on taking responsibility in every part of your life… and we need to be challenged in all the areas of our lives. If the challenges don't come on their own, we can intentionally identify and lean into opportunities in those areas.” - Karl Kuhnert, The Map

We need not wait for a crisis. We have a series of choices and actions we can practice in less severe situations so that when the walls close in on monumental moments, we're prepared and practiced.  

So...

• Will you reject or embrace passivity?
• Will you accept or reject responsibility?
• Will you lead courageously or follow cowardly?
• Will you chase man's lesser reward or do the right thing and expect God's greater reward?
• Will you do the right thing when the walls are closing in?

Additional Resources

• Read: Diving Into Wild At Heart By John Eldredge: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul